One Of The Best Things Anyone Has Ever Said To Me

Sometimes, things come out of our children's mouths that astound us and stop us in our tracks. Often these things are inappropriate, funny or just out of this world. And sometimes, what your child says to you can be one of the best things anyone has ever said to you. I had one of these moments recently.


"Mom, how did you get to be so accomplished?" My 13 year old asks me.

"What do you mean?" I responded, a little surprised by his question. I don't often think of myself as "accomplished".

"I mean that you are 28 years old, married, have a kid, are pregnant, have a job and are getting your master's degree. You have already done so much."

I sat quietly, a little speechless.

"I don't know if I will have done everything you have when I am your age. How did you do it?"


I smiled and explained to him that I made a decision about what was important to me, and I set goals. I told him that he can accomplish anything he wants to by any age if he sets his mind to it. I have no doubt my son will be extremely successful. He is smart and charismatic. He is wise beyond his years in so many ways.

I was taken back by the thought that I am "accomplished". I spend so much of my time focused on the things that I don't have, what I haven't done and what I might not be able to do in the future. This conversation made me realize that I really need to take some time to reflect on my accomplishments, and give myself a little more credit now and then.

I try to stay humble, but maybe there is a fine line between being humble and not recognizing value in yourself on a regular basis. 

More than anything, it means the world to me that my son views me as accomplished. For me, it means that it has all been worth it. Every class, every test, every 20 page paper. Every date, every bad relationship, every time my heart was broken. Every time I struggled and I wondered if it would make a difference to anyone. It did. And that is why when my son told me I was accomplished, it was one of the best things anyone has ever said to me.

Mom Challenge: Day 9

#16: Picture what you want your child to be like at age 25. Mother with that in mind today.

Oh my goodness, where do I start with the hopes and dreams I have for Jasen when he is 25 years old? I want everything for him.

Most of all, I want him to be truly happy.

I don't know what will make my son truly happy when he is 25 year old, but I do know I want him to always have the courage to go for it. I want him to be absolutely fearless in going after his dreams.

I want him to wake up everyday with a lust for life. I want him to enjoy every minute of it.

Jasen has told me he would like to have a variety of careers as he grows up. Everything from a rockstar, to a professional athlete, to a banker. He might be all of these. Or he might be none of these.

No matter what path my son takes, I want him to consistently seek out things that bring him happiness. And to never be afraid to invest his time in something he loves.

Mom Challenge: Day 8

#15: Be firm when needed, but not harsh.

As many single mothers will tell you, one of the hardest parts of single motherhood is having to play the roles of both mom and dad. I think traditionally in our society, moms are the "softies" and dads are the "discipliners".  Throughout my son's life, I have struggled with this.

I have had trouble finding this balance between wanting to be a loving mother and the discipliner. It took me quite a few years to realize I could be both.

In order to have somewhat of a sane household, there must be consequences for your child's negative behavior. This usually took precedence over my chance to be the softie. Many times I watched my son run to another family member for comfort when I was forced to be the "mean" mom and dad.

It's a challenge to not let your own hurt feelings get in the way of firm parenting.

Now that I am married and my son has a step-father, we have entered a whole new realm of parenting. My son is used to taking direction from me and has had a hard time viewing my husband as an equal parent who can discipline. We are slowly making progress on this.

I think one of the differences in being firm vs. harsh lies in the way your child will look back on how you parented. When your child is grown up, will they want to parent their children as you did? Will they admire your parenting? Or will they view you as someone they never want to be like?

For me, I hope my son will always believe I am a good parent, especially when he has children of his own.

Here's a picture of my little guy from Kindergarten :)

Mom Challenge: Day 7

#14: Remember that being a mother is a gift. 

Through the ups and downs of parenting, it can be hard to always view motherhood as a gift. We are usually only reminded of this when we hear stories of a couple who struggles to conceive or adoptions that don't follow through. Many of us take our role as mothers for granted.

I know I do. I am usually so consumed with the day to day activities of life, I forgot how lucky I am to be a mother. Being a mother has been my greatest role in life. It has defined who I have become and who I will be.

I am a very young mother. I had my son when I was 14 years old. As many teenage mothers will tell you, the news of pregnancy at such a young age is not viewed by many as a gift. The challenges of being such a young mother were numerous. It was never easy, but it was always, always worth it. Jasen and I have such a special bond that can never be broken.

Now that I have met my wonderful husband and we are married, the discussion of having a baby is one we have often. I can't wait to be given the gift of motherhood again. I know I will be starting from "scratch", as Jasen is almost 12. He is so self sufficient and mature. Jasen and I discussed the decision of Nathan and I having another baby.

Jasen told me, "Don't worry Mom, you won't have to do it by yourself this time. You have Nathan to help you and you have me to help you". Words can't express how much I love my son and how much he teaches me everyday. I'm so lucky to have him on this journey of life with me!

Mom Challenge: Day 6

Challenge #13

Do not criticize your child today.

Unfortunately, I will not have an opportunity to spend much time with my son today :( I came down with a very painful inflammation of my intestines. Long story short, I spent the entire night in the ER and I will be laid up in bed for the next few days on lots of medication. Thank goodness for Aunts and Grandmas and Family! I'd hate for Jasen to be stuck in the house all weekend, I'm so happy he will be having fun with family...even if I will miss him :(

Nevertheless, I still would like to examine the topic of criticizing our children. I think I need a solid definition for this:

From Merriam Webster:

crit·i·cize

 verb \ˈkri-tə-ˌsīz\

crit·i·cizedcrit·i·ciz·ing

Definition of CRITICIZE

intransitive verb

: to act as a critic

transitive verb

1

: to consider the merits and demerits of and judge accordingly : evaluate

2

: to find fault with : point out the faults of

— crit·i·ciz·able  adjective

— crit·i·ciz·er noun

So, is it evaluation or finding fault with? I typically take criticism as something negative. I remember being younger and having people tell me "it's just constructive criticism, don't take it so personally".

I find it a challenge not to take any type of criticism personally. I can't think of a time where I have heard of criticism being used in a positive context. With that being determined, why do we criticize our children?

I feel as a parent it is natural to find fault with our children. We want to fix their problems. We want them to grow into responsible, well liked, adults. I know today I will not find fault with my child, but in the future, is this ok?

Maybe the solution is in how a parent delivers this criticism. I am a firm believer that we should never shame our children or make them think they are bad people. I also believe that even as adults, we need to have criticism partnered with compliments.

It is ok to guide our children and discuss behaviors to be changed, but we must always be aware of our delivery and make sure our compliments far exceed our criticisms. 

Mom Challenge: Day 5

Challenge #12:

Pray for wisdom in mothering your child.

I ask my husband, "What do you think I should do about today's mom challenge? It says to pray for wisdom in mothering your child, should I re-phrase that? Or just skate around it?"

I am not religious. I was raised Christian. Most of my friends are very religious. My family is all religious. I respect many people and many different faiths. I just choose not to practice any. I get a lot of criticism for this from other people. It's usually best for me to avoid this topic.

My husband tells me, "Why wouldn't you put what you think? It's your blog isn't it? People should like and read your blog for who you are, not who you pretend to be."

Such a wise man.

I am always overly afraid of offending people. But this is my blog and my place to write. So my husband asks me, "what do you do besides pray for wisdom?"

Instead of praying for wisdom in mothering my child, today I will:

• Look up one new parenting technique
• Ask others for their best bit of parenting advice
• Practice patience in mothering my child today

Today I will promise myself to continually gain wisdom by educating myself and taking advice from others on how to be the best parent I can be. 

I also promise to continue to be myself and always respect the beliefs of others.

Mom Challenge: Day 4

The date is 10/11/12...what a cool day! Challenge #11

Tell your child, "I'm so glad you're my son".

At about 7am this morning I am getting ready to leave for work. I hear Jasen in his room clicking something (sounds like a pen). I go in and ask him what he's doing. He smirks and says "noooothingggg...". He likes to mess with me, especially early in the morning. We joke around and I try to get him to show me what he has, but he holds it tight behind his back.

This is the point where I give up. I'm sure he's not smoking crack or something, so I'm pretty much ok with whatever he's clicking. I still don't know what it was.

When Jasen stops giggling, I take the opportunity before I leave to tell him how happy I am that he's my son. He sarcastically says "no you're not". Then he laughs and runs to the bathroom. I laugh, call him a weirdo, tell him I love him and to have a good day. He yells back that he loves me and hopes I have a good day too.

I wish I had a more heartfelt story to share for today's mom challenge, but it is what it is. And then again, I really don't wish there was any other story. :)

Mom Challenge: Day 3

Today is the 10th so we are on to challenge #10:

Today's mom focus: Joy

All day I have been thinking about what brings me joy as a mother. Obviously, my son's big accomplishments or awards, and the A's on his report cards. But today I wanted to focus on the more subtle, everyday things that bring me joy as a mom.

• It brings me joy to talk to my son everyday, he is growing up into such a cool person
• It brings me joy to laugh with my son over stupid things
• It brings me joy that Jasen and I have a similar weirdo sense of humor that not a lot of other people understand
• It brings me joy to come into a room and see my child reading a book
• It brings me joy to laugh with Jasen over the pre-mustache hair I spotted on him today
• It brings me joy to see my son wearing crazy, mismatched socks (our house runs on the philosophy that you are lucky to find 2 clean socks, don't worry if they match)
• It brings me joy to know that Jasen took part in the anti-bully activities at school, he is always standing up for others

Tonight was parent/teacher conferences at my son's school. The lines to speak to each teacher were long and we had to wait for several people to go ahead of us. As I was sitting there thinking, "I really wish I could hurry up and get this done", I stopped myself. I looked at Jasen, who was sitting next to me looking bored out of his mind. I laughed and told him, "You know, they won't have parent/teacher conferences when you are in college. We only have a few years left of meeting your teachers, we better enjoy it!" 

Now of course he looked at me like I was insane. But it is these little moments that fly by, that we will miss as our kids grow up. Taking two hours out of a Wednesday night was more than worth my time to show my son that I care about his education  I try to be the best parent I can be, and seeing my son happy is really one of the greatest joys of being a mom.

I lied and told him I was taking a picture of the dogs. He doesn't like it when I snap random photos.

I fessed up to taking this one for the blog. He happily posed to show off his crazy sock combo. 

Mom Challenge: Day 2

Challenge #9 for October 9th:

Picture yourself at your child's age, try to remember how you felt.

I can see myself as an 11, almost 12 year old. At this time I was obsessed with being a dancer and spent all of my time doing so. I was in 6th grade, my last year in elementary school. I got into my first fight and had my first french kiss :)

I was in that awkward spot between becoming a teen and still feeling like a kid. I was more mature than the other kids, I already had boobs! I remember feeling insecure about my looks. I remember feeling like I didn't know where I belonged. I fell in love 3 times that year. I found out what the word "slut" meant. I changed best friends a few times.

My baby brother was born when I was 11. I remember he was born early and very sick. Seeing him now, you would never know that. He is 15 and taller than me.

I remember trying to separate myself from my parents at this time. I became more involved with friends and less involved with family. I need to keep this in mind now that my son is this age. This is a crucial time for development and gaining confidence in yourself. This is a time when the importance of family needs to be stressed, and the importance of positive friends should be emphasized. This is a time when your child's self-esteem should be built up everyday, because unfortunately there will be kids who try to break it down.

I want to freeze my son at this age forever.

Here's a picture of me when I was about 11:

And a side by side photo:

The Beginning of the Mom (Parent) Challenge: Day 1

In an effort to remember to continually grow as a mother, I want to complete this 30 day mom challenge from www.imom.com .

Since today is October the 8th, I am going to complete challenge #8.

#8 Calculate how many more weekends are left until your child graduates high school. 

If all goes well, my son should graduate in about May of 2019.

Hmmm a general estimate may be the best I can do...

There are approx 52 weekends in a year. About 7 more years until 2019.

It looks like we have about 364 weekends until Jasen graduates high school!

Right now this seems like a big number, but I know the time will continue to fly by as it already has. I have grown as a mother, always trying to improve and have more patience. It's hard to believe the tiny baby I brought home from the hospital is already 11 years old. In addition to this feeling, I have an overwhelming sense of pride as I look at the young man my son is becoming. He is kind, smart, funny and handsome.

Here is a picture of him I took this weekend, I can't wait for tomorrow's challenge!