How Can I Be A Stay At Home Mom?

I am in need of some help and advice. I spent my lunch break at work googling "how to be a stay at home mom".

I have hit the point in my pregnancy where I am completely preoccupied with my baby. All I want to do is get her nursery ready, knit her a blanket and organize her cute little clothes. There's only one problem I keep running into: I'm too exhausted.

Right now I work full time at a job that can be both physically and emotionally demanding. Sometimes I am standing for 2-3 hours with a client at a work site assessment, or counseling an emotionally distressed mother, or getting cussed out by an angry client. By the time my day is over, there is no part of me that can muster up the energy to prepare for the arrival of my baby. I also take classes two nights per week, so there are some nights that I don't get home until near 10pm. I know school will be over in a few weeks, so at least I won't be quite so drained those two nights per week. I have reached the point where I spend my days dreaming (and researching) how I can stay at home with my baby.

When my son was born, I was a single teenage mom. There was no option to stay home. I knew that I had to work, finish school and he needed to go to daycare. I was in survival mode for the both of us and my mind was focused on how the two of us were going to make it in this world.

My life is different now. I don't have to be in constant "survival mode". I have a loving husband who will be my partner in caring for the baby, and my incredible teenager who will be here to help as much as we need him. This isn't a one woman show anymore. Ever since the thought has crossed my mind that I could be a stay at home mom, it is all I can think about.

I want to be with my baby all day. I want to be the one to care for her. I want to take her on walks and trips to the park. I want to have time to prepare her meals and make her healthy baby food. I want to be the one to help her learn her colors and letters and numbers. I was never afforded the chance to do these things with my son. I got to spend a few hours with him in the evening before bed. All while juggling school and work and being completely exhausted all of the time. I had to let family and daycare providers do all of the things I wanted to be doing. My son has turned out wonderful, he has always had the love, support, and everything he needed. It's me who has missed out.

So tonight, I am sitting in my bed, wiping away tears as I write this post. I am pregnant and emotional and sad. I am sad because I don't think I will be in a position to stay at home with my baby. I don't think I will be able to deprive my family of my income or the health insurance I carry. Financially, I just don't see how I can stay at home with my baby when she arrives.

This is where I reach out to my readers for advice. Have any of you made the transition to a stay at home mom? How did you do it? Maybe there are things I have not thought of. I need all of the help and advice I can get. How can I be a stay at home mom?