Tuesday, April 15, 2014

How Can I Be A Stay At Home Mom?


I am in need of some help and advice. I spent my lunch break at work googling "how to be a stay at home mom".

I have hit the point in my pregnancy where I am completely preoccupied with my baby. All I want to do is get her nursery ready, knit her a blanket and organize her cute little clothes. There's only one problem I keep running into: I'm too exhausted.

Right now I work full time at a job that can be both physically and emotionally demanding. Sometimes I am standing for 2-3 hours with a client at a work site assessment, or counseling an emotionally distressed mother, or getting cussed out by an angry client. By the time my day is over, there is no part of me that can muster up the energy to prepare for the arrival of my baby. I also take classes two nights per week, so there are some nights that I don't get home until near 10pm. I know school will be over in a few weeks, so at least I won't be quite so drained those two nights per week. I have reached the point where I spend my days dreaming (and researching) how I can stay at home with my baby.

When my son was born, I was a single teenage mom. There was no option to stay home. I knew that I had to work, finish school and he needed to go to daycare. I was in survival mode for the both of us and my mind was focused on how the two of us were going to make it in this world.

My life is different now. I don't have to be in constant "survival mode". I have a loving husband who will be my partner in caring for the baby, and my incredible teenager who will be here to help as much as we need him. This isn't a one woman show anymore. Ever since the thought has crossed my mind that I could be a stay at home mom, it is all I can think about.

I want to be with my baby all day. I want to be the one to care for her. I want to take her on walks and trips to the park. I want to have time to prepare her meals and make her healthy baby food. I want to be the one to help her learn her colors and letters and numbers. I was never afforded the chance to do these things with my son. I got to spend a few hours with him in the evening before bed. All while juggling school and work and being completely exhausted all of the time. I had to let family and daycare providers do all of the things I wanted to be doing. My son has turned out wonderful, he has always had the love, support, and everything he needed. It's me who has missed out.

So tonight, I am sitting in my bed, wiping away tears as I write this post. I am pregnant and emotional and sad. I am sad because I don't think I will be in a position to stay at home with my baby. I don't think I will be able to deprive my family of my income or the health insurance I carry. Financially, I just don't see how I can stay at home with my baby when she arrives.

This is where I reach out to my readers for advice. Have any of you made the transition to a stay at home mom? How did you do it? Maybe there are things I have not thought of. I need all of the help and advice I can get. How can I be a stay at home mom?

12 comments:

  1. I hear ya, i stayed home with Brooke for the first 2 years, then i went part time while my sister raised my daughter... i regret not staying home all together, but finances don't always like our ideas.
    I hope you get to stay home and everything will work out.
    i love you

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    1. Thank you Terri! I agree, finances don't always like our ideas :( Thank you for your support!

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  2. Awe bless your heart! xo We are two of a kind, I so get everything about this!! I will pray for you in this and let me know if you ever need to talk, though we don't have it all figured out, I can share what our story has been : ) Blessings to you!

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    1. Thank you Sybil! It makes me feel better to know that others understand where I am coming from. It makes me feel not so alone. I would love to hear your story! :)

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  3. So sweet, mommyhood is tough no matter what. Even though I'm home I feel like I am missing things all of the time. You are going do to great! Looking forward to meeting this new little person soon :)

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    1. Thank you Jennifer! I agree with you, no matter which road life takes you down, being a mother is hard work! I appreciate your support :)

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  4. This beaks my heart! I'm sorry that you don't have the options you want. Is there any opportunity for you to work from home once a week or flex time? One of my very good friends did that and she was in a similar situation. She also went back to work first three days a week, then four, etc., so it wasn't so hard. I hope you find a solution that works for you and your family, and congratulations on your upcoming new addition!

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    1. Thank you Whitney! Since I posted this, I have had some friends offer great suggestions and advice. I might explore some options with my boss. I like the idea of going back to work a little at a time, that sounds like it will be a lot less overwhelming! Where there's a will there's a way, so I think I need to remain calm and come up with a plan! :)

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  5. With my husband's income I was lucky enough to be a SAHM once I got pregnant with my second daughter. I am infinitely grateful for that, because I know there are so many mothers who would love to stay home with their children but can't for financial reasons...or even from just being torn between the desire to be a SAHM or an innate desire to be a working, independent woman.

    It was a huge adjustment for me for the first year or so. I had a working spirit and loved the idea of being "independent." Honestly, I was depressed.

    After a while though, I began feeling very satisfied with being home. I felt like I was giving my kids the absolute best of my time and attention, and I ended up never feeling more fulfilled in my life! (Until I went back to school *re: your last post lol*)

    I went back to being a working mom last year (my kids are now 9 and 12) and WOAH! That ended up being an even bigger adjustment. I realized that even though my kids are both in school, having a job took away a lot of little things that I was used to doing for my kids (taking them to school, picking them up, etc.). I realized that being a SAHM is really the best and most fulfilling thing I'd ever done, and I pine for it EVERY DAY.

    In a crazy turn of events, I found out I was pregnant this past October and am due next month. My last day of wk is approaching, and I look forward to being at home again. I feel terrible, though, about not contributing financially just when I was getting started.

    Someone lied when they said we could have it all. *sigh*

    Anyway, sorry for writing you an entire letter lol. I hope that everything works out in your favor. I have no advice on how to make it happen, but I wish you all the best.

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    1. Thank you! I have wondered how I would feel if I actually get to be a SAHM. I have been working and independent for so long, it would definitely be an adjustment! Lol, I completely agree with you, we were lied to when someone said that we could have it all!

      I admire women who stay at home to raise children, just as much as I admire those who go to work everyday and contribute financially to their families. There has to be a happy medium somewhere, right? Congrats on your pregnancy! I can't wait to follow you and your stories!

      Thanks again for your reply, never worry about it being too long :) I enjoyed it!

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  6. Hope you'll join in on Money-Saving May - with tons of frugal tips and ways to save :) Little things that make all the difference (like having more wiggle room in the grocery budget to take my little ones out for ice cream :)

    How I Became a Stay at Home Mom:
    http://capturinginspirations.com/about-me/how-i-became-a-stay-at-home-mom/

    Thanks for saying hi!

    Catherine

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    1. Hi Catherine! Thanks for stopping by and thank you for sharing your link! I will definitely be checking out your post! :)

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